The Merger
by Matt Lundahl
Summary: Buffy and Willow become one; set shortly after (Storyteller).
1. The Merger

"It's... honestly, it's... utterly horrific..." Buffy stuttered as she stared, slack jawed.  
"Well, I'm not into that kinda thing, but..." Kennedy began, Willow quickly pulling Kennedy away. Buffy continued to stare, making Andrew impatient.  
"Come on! You said we could all go to the beach!" Andrew whined as he pouted his lips and shifted his weight to one side.  
"Well we ARE going to the beach... but are you sure you want to... go in... that?" Buffy covered her eyes as Andrew's hands clutched to his hips and his feet began stamping on the wooden floor.  
"What? It's just a speed-o! A good old-fashioned speed-o!" Andrew half turned and posed.  
"Stop it!" Buffy exclaimed, covering her face and falling to the floor. Spike rushed over to help her stand, then noticed Andrew and high-tailed it back the other way muttering words such as 'poof' and 'fairy'.  
Anya and Dawn wandered downstairs, Dawn's eyes widening. She stared Andrew directly in the eyes.  
"Um... Andrew... wouldn't it be easier to... carry your beach towel... if you wrapped it around your waist?" Dawn asked. Andrew smiled and placed his hand on her shoulder.  
"Thanks Dawn, you're such a sweetie!" Andrew wrapped the towel around his waist and tied it tightly; Andrew and Dawn loosely hugged each other.  
"Well, now that we don't have to make fun of Andrew's manhood, could you PLEASE get these girls out of the house? I really want to pee!" Anya whined.  
"Well, it's not that easy, first I..." Buffy started, interrupted almost immediately by Anya.  
"I know! It's not that easy because there are always girls in the bathroom!"  
"What?" Buffy and Dawn asked in unison.  
"Pee. I have to pee. I am referring to my inability to pee because there are teenage girls in the bathroom!" Anya screamed.  
"You DO have a bathroom at YOUR apartment, don't you?" Buffy asked, crossing her arms across her chest. Anya shifted from side to side, dancing slightly.  
"But... I can't PEE there... I could die." Anya tried to gain sympathy, but everyone stared at her in confusion.  
"Does your toilet plan on eating you?" Andrew inquired before Anya shot him a quick glare.  
"No! D'Hoffryn? He's sending assassins after me? And the First! Hello! He could just walk through the wall and bore me to death!"  
"Right, and don't forget the bringers." Dawn mentioned, gaining Anya instant enthusiasm.  
"YES! The bringers! They'll come after me too! At the First's command!" Anya exclaimed.  
"The bringers don't want you, they want the potentials." Buffy replied quickly.  
"Wh... what do you mean they don't want me? If they don't want me then why am I living here? Why don't I just go back home and live in my apartment?" Anya whined, her hand scratching at the top of her head.  
"Anya." Dawn gained her attention. "D'Hoffryn."  
"RIGHT! D'Hoffryn! He's why I can't go back. I have to stay here. Because of D'Hoffryn." Anya smirked and walked passed them toward the kitchen. Buffy, Dawn and Andrew stood staring at each other a minute before Xander came around the corner, towel over his shoulder and wearing only swim shorts.  
"Are we ready for the beach?" Xander asked, clasping his hands together. Andrew began bobbing up and down.  
"YES! Please!"  
Willow, reading steadily through the paper, tapped Buffy's shoulder. "Hey, Buff... um... have you read the report from this morning?"  
"No, why?"  
"Because something happened."  
"Is it important?"  
"To someone."  
"To us?"  
"Quite possibly."  
"Is someone dead?"  
"Buffy... this is Sunnydale. Of course." Willow shook her head while rolling her eyes. "Seems there's some sort of... I dunno what. It says that this woman left her children in bed at night, but when she woke them up in the morning, there was only one kid."  
"So, what? There's some kidnapper in town? That doesn't really say supernatural." Xander pointed out.  
"Well, I wouldn't usually think anything of it either, but the woman said that the kid that was left isn't hers."  
"What do you mean it isn't hers?" Andrew and Xander asked together.  
"Well, the kids were twin boys. The kids left behind looks like them, but the personality is of neither boy. The boy claims to be both twins, but neither at the same time." Confusion set across everyone's faces.  
"So... someone's taking two kids and leaving one in their place?" Dawn asked, trying to figure out the situation.  
"Two for the price of one!" Andrew gleefully exclaimed.  
"Ooh, a thrifty villain!"  
"Xander!" Willow glared.  
"So... someone's merging two people into one people... er, PERSON." Buffy stated. Willow nodded.  
"Yeah, pretty much."  
"Why?"  
"Don't know. Guess that's what we have to find out." Willow smiled. "I love research. But, you know, the kids were twins, so maybe that has something to do with it."  
"Well, I guess we'll go into full research mode. Willow, Dawn, you two go and get googling." Buffy snatched the paper from Willow. "I'm going to go talk to this lady, maybe the kid if she lets me. Be back in an hour." The three nodded and went their separate ways, leaving Xander and Andrew standing together in their swimwear.  
"So... are we going to the beach?" Andrew asked quietly.  
  
"Okay, girls. What you need to learn is breathing. It is an essential part of your fighting. Think of breathing as your chi, and..." Giles began while Spike began to snicker. "What?"  
"What are you teaching these girls? Chi? Didn't you try that on the Buffybot too?"  
"I think the potential slayers are slightly brighter than the Buffybot, don't you?" Molly raised her hand.  
"What's a Buffybot?" Giles lowered his face and scratched at his forehead for a moment.  
"Buffybot was a mechanical Buffy." he replied.  
"Why did you need a mechanical Buffy?" Rona asked. "Wasn't the real Buffy... Buffy enough?"  
"Well, for me she was! But Spike felt the need to release some of his sexual frustration." Spike's eyes widened as all of the girls turned to face him.  
"Well... I... she... at least she could pronounce my name, Guyles!" Spike snuffed out his cigarette and headed upstairs.  
  
"Seventeen... thirty. I think this is the place." Buffy spoke to herself as she stepped up onto the porch of the home. She knocked on the door several times and waited for it to be answered. A woman came to the door, immediately noticing the newspaper.  
"What? What do you want? You another one that wants to ridicule me? Laugh at me?" Buffy stood back a little.  
"Uh... no." she extended her hand. "My name is Buffy. I want to speak with you about what happened to your son... s." Buffy smiled and awaited a handshake.  
  
"So... this kind of thing has never happened to you guys before?" Kennedy asked as Willow typed away on the computer.  
"Well, this one time, Xander was hit with this gun thing and was split in two!" Willow said proudly as she smiled at Kennedy.  
"Ah, good times." Xander smiled from the other side of the room.  
"Mhm... two Xanders." Anya became lost in thought, then noticed Andrew staring at her. "Well... they weren't really into my ideas. But it would've been nice..." Andrew smiled.  
"Mhm... two Xanders." Andrew mumbled.  
"How did you merge him... back into one Xander?" Kennedy asked again.  
"The gun thing worked both ways." Xander replied.  
"But you didn't." Anya said spitefully.  
"So, nothing about any two people merging together? No... coming together? No... I'm not sure what I mean anymore." Amanda stopped asking questions and sat quietly. Anya stood.  
"I have a question. If two virgins merge together, and later the uni-people masturbate... are they taking each other's virginity?" Everyone stared in silence.  
  
"Well, Bunny... the newspaper made me sound insane, but I swear I know it happened!" the woman began to cry.  
"Well... where is the boy... BOYS... where ARE the BOYS now?"  
"Their father came by yesterday afternoon and took them. He thought I was insane."  
"Do you have any idea HOW it happened? I mean, you don't just wake up one morning and have one less kid."  
"...I did."  
  
"It's been quite a while..." Willow mentioned as the group was sprawled through the living room. "I mean... it's two PM now, where's Buffy? She's left to see that woman HOURS ago!"  
"She'll be back soon, Will." Xander began to rub her shoulders, earning an icy glare from Kennedy before she realised that Xander was indeed a boy, and Willow was indeed uninterested in said boy.  
"I think it'd be fun!" Anya exclaimed.  
"What would?" Dawn asked in response.  
"Merging bodies with another person. I mean, not just for the sexual insinuations of it, but you would get to learn their thoughts and feelings and find out what they really thought about you... and if they FELT anything for you."  
"Yes... but they would also learn your secrets and feelings. It would be a two-way thing." Dawn told her.  
"Oh." Anya sat in thought for a moment. "Well, that wouldn't be so much fun then. Nevermind." Buffy came through the door with the woman closely behind her.  
"Buffy!"  
"Willow, this is the mother of the kid. KIDS. Anyway, you can try and get some information from her." The woman, who pulled back toward the door, stopped Buffy.  
"I... I'm not so sure anymore..." she began.  
"What? You just lost your sons. Son. Sons? Don't you care that you have two kids on the line?" Buffy asked, horrified.  
"Well... to tell you the truth... I realise now how much quieter it will be around the house." the Scoobies stared in awe and disgust. "Well, rather than having two rambunctious boys in the house, I'll have only one. And it's not like I've lost either of them, because they're both in that body, and..." she started.  
"That's horrible! What kind of mother are you?" the woman glared at Buffy, but Willow stood and came toward them.  
"You must just be frazzled. You don't know what you're saying. Come on. Sit down with us and..." Willow began.  
"Stop it! I don't want your help! All I wanted was to worry my husband and force him to come back to me!" the woman transformed from mild-mannered housewife into a large, horned, purple demon. Scaled, claws, slime - the whole nine yards. Buffy stood in shock a moment before the demon placed a hand on both Buffy and Willow's chests. A flash of light went through the three of them, and in a flash, only one body was left.  
"Holy crap!" Xander screamed. "What was... what happened to..." The girl stood and turned. Everyone sat in shock.  
"What? Why are you looking at us like that?" she asked. She turned, looking into a mirror. Willow's height, Buffy's body, Willow's hair.  
"So... are you Buffy, or Willow?" Dawn stood and looked at the new girl standing before her.  
"We're... both."  
  
"So... you're both Buffy and Willow?" Giles asked again.  
"YES!" she replied.  
"What shall we call you then? Billow? Wuffy?"  
"You're not a very creative Englishman. For now... we dunno... just call us... Joan or something."  
"Well... Joan... you make a very nice redhead." Xander began.  
"You know who's a good redhead? Tasuki. He's red-hot." Andrew started.  
"So... you have both Buffy and Willow's memories?" Xander asked. Joan nodded.  
"So... do you like girls or boys?" Anya asked.  
"WHAT?" Joan became defensive.  
"Well, your Willow half wants to get all smoochie-like with a certain FEMALE potential slayer, while your Buffy half probably wouldn't mind getting all groigney with a certain souled vampire... that ISN'T Angel... actually. Okay, how about this: Your Buffy half would like to get a taste of TWO certain souled vampires!" Anya smirked.  
"That could get hot." Andrew commented.  
"Are you with slayer powers or witch powers?" Dawn quickly asked before anything else could be commented on.  
"We... I don't know... I think... both..." Joan replied hesitantly. "I just want to find the creepy demon lady that did this to us and... undo it."  
"Where are you gonna sleep?" Anya laughed to herself.  
"Why do you keep asking us these questions?" Joan snapped.  
"Well... are you going to get all cozy with Kennedy or sleep solitarily in the Buffy bed?"  
"Buffy bed. Kennedy can manage a night alone. We don't wanna get into a three-some situation."  
"Technically, it's still only a two-some." Kennedy pointed out. Joan stood.  
"Listen... we're just gonna go and patrol for this demon thing. Dawn, can you get on the net and try to find out the father of the boys?" Dawn nodded. Joan looked down at her watch. "Alright, it's about two-thirty right now... so we guess we'll go it alone. Spike, when the sun goes down we'll come back for ya. Xand, can you drive us around town?" Xander nodded and followed Joan to the door. Andrew stood.  
"Is there anything I can do?" he asked.  
"Um... make dinner? The potentials are gonna get hungry soon."  
  
"So... Joan... uh..." Xander began.  
"What?" Joan replied.  
"Well... what's it like? Being merged together like that?"  
"It's... kind of amazing. We feel closer to each other than we ever have before... its a little weird, but it's a good thing! Together we could do amazing things! We can teach each other all of these fantastic abilities and... is that principal Wood?" Joan stared out the car window. "I think it is!"  
"Do you want to stop?" Xander asked, Joan shook her head.  
"No. Probably not a good idea. I mean, he saw me yesterday, and I don't wanna have to explain the hair."  
"Yeah. The hair is the problem."  
  
"Ooh! I found it! I think. It says here that our demon can take the form of people, but when it's using it powers to MERGE two people into one person it takes the form of a big, toothy, scaly, slimy, horny... um... scratch that one. You know what I meant." Dawn read from the Internet.  
"What's its name?"  
"It... doesn't have one. They are so rare that they have not bothered to... think of a name for themselves." Dawn replied.  
"Then how do you know it's our demon?" Giles asked inquisitively.  
"The part where it said 'merge two people into one person', and also the 'big, toothy, scaly, slimy...' part."  
"Very thorough. Just like your sister." Giles sunk into his book.  
"Hey! No need to be rude."  
"I think you're amazing."  
"Thank you, Andrew." Spike wandered into the room, his leather duster on. He began to pace around the room, glaring down at his watch.  
"The sun went down, you know."  
"We know." Anya replied.  
"The sun went down almost two hours ago, you know." Spike began again.  
"We know." Anya replied.  
"Where's Buffy... Willow... where's the slayer-witch?"  
"Maybe she and Xander got caught up somewhere." Giles said. Anya immediately began to freak out.  
"You don't think that... that Buffy's boy liking half is stronger than Willow's girl liking half and that since Willow and Xander used to have a thing together and that Xander had a thing for Buffy and Buffy boy likingness... you don't think they're off having some kinky two-some with three people, do you?" Anya babbled. Everyone stared in awe and confusion.  
"I can't even begin to understand what you're talking about. I mean, first of all... Xander's pudgy! I know Willow's been off the men for a while, but I think she knows to do better than pudge."  
"Hey!" Anya snapped. "He used to be MY pudge."  
  
Xander watched as Joan fought a group of vampires in the cemetery. She flipped over one, kicking the one behind it. Then, her arms flew to her sides and a glowing energy surrounded the vampires. They all floated up into the air.  
"The slayer's a witch?" one of the vampires exclaimed. Joan clenched her fists and in a cloud of dust, the vampires were all slain. Joan turned to Xander.  
"Didja see me? I did it! I'm the uber slayer!" Joan screamed.  
"Um... Buff... Will... whatever, you guys need to get back into your own bodies..." Xander started.  
"Yeah, we know... I'm just saying, you know... it's cool. I'M cool!"  
"Guys... did you come to think that maybe... maybe this is permanent? What if you're stuck like this forever?"  
"Then it's a good thing that I've learned to like me for me."  
"You're not liking you for YOU, you're liking you for you AND you!"  
"Then it's double the like! Like the double-mint twins! I remember you liking the double..."  
"JOAN! If you can't get back to normal, you might not be able to save us from the First."  
"Pff-have you seen my powers now? I'm stronger than ever! I'm stronger than witchy Willow; I'm stronger than slayer Buffy. I am JOAN!" she smiled, her eyes engulfed in dark black. She raised herself into the air and laughed maniacally.  
  
Xander burst through the front door. Spike immediately rushed over, worry on his face.  
"Where's Buffy?" he asked.  
"And Willow?" Kennedy was wrought with worry.  
"Guys... Joan's gone AWOL..." 


	2. Joan Almost Saves the Day

"What do you mean, 'Joan's gone AWOL'?" Giles asked, in a very British manner.  
"Well... she called herself the uber slayer, then flew away laughing as if she was gonna burn something." Xander replied.  
"You're sure?" Dawn asked worriedly.  
"Well, yes. I mean, I was there to see her leaving. Also, I know what happy fire starting laughter sounds like."  
"Poor Xander." Andrew started.  
"Poor Xander? Bleeding hell, boy! We have a rogue slayer... witch. Willow alone almost destroyed the world! Imagine what the two of them together could do!" Spike started.  
"A rogue slayer... hmm... no, I've never heard of such a thing." Anya started. She turned to Giles. "So, are you the only watcher who allowed TWO slayers to go crazy and kill things?"  
"Well... I..." Giles started.  
"Also die. Buffy dies a lot. I bet the council would like you to do something about that." Anya told him. Giles glared at her.  
"Do something... what would you want me to do about her deaths?"  
"I dunno... not let her die? I mean, sitting back a brewing yourself some tea obviously never helped her... did it?"  
"I... I think the first thing we should do is make sure that Buffy and Willow are safe." Dawn started.  
"Correction: Joan. She goes by Joan now." Xander told her.  
"Alright. Does anyone actually have a useful idea of how to find Joan?" Kennedy started growing impatient, then it hit her. "Wait! I have it! Amy!"  
"Amy? The rat?" Giles asked.  
"No... Amy, Willow's friend... that tried to hurt Willow after turning her into a man..."  
"Oh, I remember that day! Willow as a man. Much fun was had by all. Except for maybe you. And Willow." Anya smiled.  
"I'm not sure that Amy would really be willing to help... considering she's not too fond of Willow these days anyway." Xander pointed out.  
"Well, isn't she our only hope? What else are we going to do?"  
  
"Whoo! Who says I need the mystical slayer demon energy when I have myself? Slayer power, witchy power... I feel GOOD! I can do anything, for I am JOAN!" Joan flew above the city, then landed in the park close by. She stopped, sniffing the air as if it were somehow familiar to her. She opened her eyes and before her lay a path of pure light. She smiled. "I love locator spells."  
  
"Okay, well think. I mean, what's she going to do? Joan wouldn't want to destroy the world, would she?" Xander asked.  
"No. Willow's been on that trip already, and it's against everything that Buffy stands for. She's got to be up to something else." Spike replied.  
"Xand, maybe you just misunderstood her laughter. Maybe it was more of 'we, now I have the means to locate the demon and change myselves back to normal' laughter, and not 'I'm gonna kill everyone because I'm crazy laughter'." Dawn suggested.  
"Maybe she went to the beach." Andrew told them. "I'd be willing to check."  
"She's not at the beach; sit down, little boy." Spike snarled. Andrew sat disappointedly.  
"I never get to go to the beach."  
  
"Demon... where are you, demon? Come out, come out, wherever you are." Joan sniffed the air once more. "I can smell a demon! I'm gonna kill my demon!"  
  
"You don't think she'd go after the demon that merged them, do you?" Xander asked. Everyone sat in silence.  
"Well, isn't that a good thing? Isn't that all 'YAY JOAN!'? I mean, her getting the demon and bringing it here would..." Anya started.  
"But An... if Joan is on a power hungry rampage, she'll probably go kill the demon, and we might never have a way of turning the girls back into themselves." Xander replied.  
"Maybe that's not such a bad thing!" Anya exclaimed. "It'll be one less person around this house, and Joan is twice as useful as Buffy or Willow alone, and..."  
"But, have you ever noticed that we always use Buffy and Willow in separate places... at separate times?" Giles asked.  
"Well... no... I didn't think of that." Everyone stood and began gathering weapons. "So... you're gonna chop her up, then?"  
"No, we're..." Xander began.  
"You're what? What use are weapons going to be against super-witch, when you can't kill her, and you can't kill the DEMON?" Everyone's weapons dropped to the floor. "A-HA! Anya wins again."  
"DEMON!" Kennedy screamed as it crashed through the window.  
"I am here to kill Anyanka! A gift from D'Hoffryn!"  
  
"Demon. I can smell you. I can taste you. Just come to me." Joan whispered.  
"You CAN'T kill me! You will be TRAPPED like that forever!" the demon screamed.  
"Big whoop. You see me wanting to change anytime soon?" Joan asked, nonchalantly. Joan grabbed the demon by the neck and lifted it up into the air. "Say goodnight, Gracie!"  
"WAIT!"  
"Ooh, grovelling for your life? Neat!" Joan dropped the demon to the ground and waited.  
"How do you know that you won't revert to NORMAL if you kill me?" the demon shrugged it's shoulders and smiled.  
"I'll just have to believe in my faith and KILL you ANYWAY!" Joan smiled, lifting the demon back into the air.  
  
"ANYA! LOOK OUT!" Xander picked up the axe from the chest and hurled it at the demon assassin. Giles took a sword, swinging toward the demon. It knocked the sword from Giles' hand, forcing him to lift a lamp into the air and begin beating on the demon. Kennedy stood back with Spike and Dawn.  
"Spike! Why are you helping?" Kennedy asked annoyed.  
"Well, I don't want to get knocked out and go all fangy. That would be bad."  
"Kennedy, I think I have an idea. On the count of three, scream as loud as you can..." Dawn started. Kennedy proceeded to release a shrill scream, stopping everyone in their tracks.  
"What the hell was that?" the demon assassin asked.  
"Dammit, Kennedy! I meant scream for Joan! And on the count of THREE!"  
"Okay!" Kennedy replied.  
"One... two..."  
"THREE already, bleeding Hell, you little..." Spike started. Both Dawn and Kennedy started screaming in unison.  
"JOAN! HELP! JOAN!" they yelled.  
  
"I could snap your neck like a toothpick. It would be super fun. don'cha think?" Joan started. Suddenly she heard the screams of both Dawn and Kennedy.  
"What's that? Your friends are in trouble? I guess you'll have to leave me here and let me live!" the demon started.  
"Or I could just kill you here!" Joan exclaimed.  
"EEK!" the demon shrieked.  
"Or... I could go and help my friends."  
"Ah..." the demon let out a short sigh of relief.  
"But I could also bring you with me and kill you later!" Joan exclaimed happily.  
  
"Beat him! Beat him! Come on, Giles! Put some muscle into it! Work that lamp!" Anya shouted.  
"Do you want to fight this, Anya?" Giles screamed.  
"No."  
Joan burst through the door of the house, entering with magic fireworks blazing all around. Joan grabbed the assassin using the magic and quickly snapped its neck.  
"Now for you." Joan turned to the demon, preparing to kill it quickly.  
"Joan! Wait! What about the twin boys who're trapped in the same body?"  
"What about them?"  
"They... need the demon in order to make them normal again." Dawn told her. Joan shrugged and threw the demon into the middle of the living room.  
"Talk. Can you turn those boys back to normal?" Joan asked. The demon quickly began nodding.  
"Yes, but... but I will need to be there... with the boys. I have to have contact in order to do it correctly... or at all." The demon stuttered.  
"Fantastic. Dawn, did you get the name of the boys' father?" Joan asked. Dawn nodded, heading over to the computer.  
"I have it all right here. It can be printed off in a second. His name, phone number, address, and I even managed his picture." Dawn said happily.  
"Good. Me and Demoney over here will just pop right on over there and..." Joan started, taking the printed paper.  
"You're not going to kill me later... are you?" the demon asked. Joan smiled. In a flash, both Joan and the demon were gone, leaving the scoobies to deal with the new repairs that were in order.  
  
"Here we are." Joan smiled as she dragged the demon up to the house. She knocked on the door, and a man answered. "Hello. You're the father of the two boys in one body, correct?" The man looked at the demon.  
"Agnes. What have you done?" he asked. She shrugged. "She does this all the time. Merging people, unmerging people. She's like a drug addict."  
"Agnes?"  
"Yes, my NAME is AGNES!" she snarled.  
"Pretty weak name for some ultra-baddie, if you ask me..." Joan began.  
"Well I..." Agnes started.  
"Wait... she's done this before?" Joan asked.  
"Yeah." the man replied.  
"And you knew that she was a demon?"  
"Yeah."  
"Well why didn't you do something about it?" Joan screamed.  
"What did you want him to do about it?" Agnes quipped.  
"Quiet, Agnes."  
  
"Do you think we're going to get our girls back, or are we heading toward a Joan the Vampire Slayer deal?" Xander asked. Everyone stared at each other.  
  
Joan threw Agnes into the living room.  
"Alright, Agnes. Let's make two boys out of one boy." Joan watched as Agnes began.  
A bright glowing light engulfed the room, and then the boy was divided in two, bringing both twins back to their normal states.  
"BOYS!" their father exclaimed. They hugged.  
"So, the boys are both alright?" Joan asked. Both boys started nodding.  
"You should know, girl... I would never hurt my sons." Agnes began.  
"Then why the HELL did you merge them together?"  
"As a bargaining chip!" Agnes replied.  
"So... you won't HURT them, but you're willing to gamble with them?" Joan started, not giving Agnes time to answer. "As long as you don't trade them for kittens..."  
"Kittens?"  
"Now, for what you've done... I'm afraid I'm gonna have to..." Joan began. Agnes placed her arms on both of Joan's arms and seperated her back into Willow and Buffy.  
"Hey!" Buffy exclaimed. "Do you mind if I kill her?"  
"A little." The father replied. Agnes high-tailed her way out of the home.  
"Damn. We almost had her." Willow started. She turned and shock struck her face.  
Willow and Buffy were separate; but Willow and Buffy were in each other's bodies!  
"Is... everything alright, girls?" he asked. Willow and Buffy simply nodded for a moment, eyes wide open.  
  
"What are we going to do if she... they... whatever. What if Joan doesn't come back?" Anya asked.  
"You mean what if Willow and Buffy come back INSTEAD of Joan, or what if Joan runs out of town and plots to destroy the Earth?" Xander asked.  
"...either, I guess..."  
  
"What do you MEAN, you're 'in each other's bodies'?" he asked.  
"Well... she's in MY body, and I'M in HERS!" Buffy (as Willow) replied.  
"Is there any chance that she might come back?" Willow (as Buffy) asked.  
"Well... I..."  
"Waitaminute. You KNEW that she was a demon?" Buffy asked quickly. The father nodded. "Did you know before you had children with her?" he nodded again. "So... do your boys have her powers aswell?"  
"...not that I'm aware, but it's entirely possible."  
"Buffy, even if they did have their mother's powers, there's very little chance that they would know how to use it." Willow told her. "I think our best chance is to go back home and use a locator spell."  
"...fine."  
  
"Where are they? I'm really getting worried now!" Dawn paced around the room.  
"You know that they'll both be alright." Andrew comforted her. Spike stood abruptly.  
"I think I hear them..." he spoke as the door opened and both girls wandered in.  
"BUFFY! WILLOW!" Xander, Dawn, Anya and Kennedy exclaimed in unison as the two girls became trapped in a group hug.  
"Stoppit! We've got work to do!" Buffy exclaimed. Kennedy blocked her path, grabbed her and kissed her.  
"HEY! Get offa her, hussy!" Willow shrieked as she saw this happening.  
"Excuse me?" Kennedy asked after finishing. Buffy gave a disturbed half-smile.  
"I'm Buffy. Willow's in MY body."  
"...oh. Sorry."  
  
"So... let me get this straight..." Xander began.  
"ENOUGH, Xander! We've been explaining this for an hour! Agnes could've hopped a bus and be in Cleaveland by now!" Buffy whined. "All we have to do is perform a locator spell and find her." Everyone nodded as Willow sat in the centre of the room. Xander leaned over to Dawn.  
"It's kinda strange seeing your sister's body working the mumbo-jumbo..." he started. Willow recited the spell and before her floated a glowing orb of energy.  
"Lead us to our demon." she spoke softly as they followed it out the door.  
  
"We've been walking forever!" Andrew whined.  
"Then go home, little boy." Spike replied.  
"Both of you, stop bickering!" Giles exclaimed. "I cannot stand listening to you two anymore!"  
"All THREE of you should shut up." Buffy screamed. She stopped, raising her arms to her sides in order to get the others to stop aswell. "Over there! Is that..."  
"Agnes!" Willow smiled. "Let's go!" Willow, Buffy and Spike rushed off in order to attack the demon.  
"Remember, Spike! You can't touch her or you'll get body snatched!" Buffy reminded, causing Spike to stop dead in his tracks and take out a smoke.  
Buffy and Willow charged toward Agnes, not even getting her attention. Willow stood back and performed a spell to freeze Agnes in her tracks, while Buffy leapt forward for the attack.  
Buffy landed on Agnes's shoulders, but was thrown way back, knocking Spike to the ground. Agnes rushed Willow, before she completed the spell.  
"Buffy! Help!" Willow screamed as her arm flew up under Agnes's jaw, sending her head back. Willow watched Agnes fall to the ground unconscious. "Whoa! Did you see that? Looks like slayer strength comes with the body!" Buffy stood, brushing herself off.  
"That's not fair! GILES! That's not FAIR! She gets HER magic and MY strength... what do I get?"  
"You get a lesbian life-partner." Kennedy smiled.  
"HEY!" both Buffy and Willow screamed in unison. Buffy stepped toward Willow, examining Agnes closely.  
"Is everything alright?" Giles asked.  
"Well... yeah. Except no. Willow... I think Agnes is dead."  
"What?" Willow exclaiemd in surprise. "Does this mean..."  
"That we can't switch back into our actual bodies."  
"Pff. Good one, Willow." Andrew rolled his eyes. 


	3. The Katra

Willow and Buffy looked each other in the eyes, noticing that they could see both themselves, and each other, in their very own faces.  
"What are we gonna do, Buff?" Willow asked quietly. It was midnight; everyone else in the house was asleep.  
"I... I dunno. I mean... I don't think I can go back to just being a regular person again... I... I rely so much on my slayer strength nowadays that I sometimes forget what it was like, and I... and I really don't want to remember that... you know?" Buffy began, looking into her friend's eyes.  
"Yeah. I get what you mean." Willow replied.  
"But... I mean, Giles can train me, I suppose. And I can get to be a strong, yet average, woman." Buffy started. "It won't be that bad, right?"  
"Well... remember that time that Giles drugged you and you lost all your strength and couldn't really do anything and you got beat by that guy at school while you were trying to help Cordelia, and..." Willow began, noticing Buffy's distressed reaction. "Oh... sorry..."  
"No. That's okay, Will. We've been through worse, you know? I mean... I was torn out of heaven and spent a year living in Hell... this'll be no different..."  
"Y... you're saying that this is Hell?" Willow asked worriedly. Buffy tried to reply, but was cut off. "B-because, this isn't Hell! I mean, come on, Buffy! So you don't have your slayer power. Big deal. You are STILL the chosen one! The one girl in this generation that is sworn to combat the evils of the world and win!"  
"That's all well and good, Willow... but sometimes, when I win... I still die." Buffy half-grinned, but quickly returned to a frown. She looked down at her hands. "I'm not sure if I can take it..."  
"Think of it this way, Buffy: You'll finally get a normal relationship." Willow explained. Buffy gave a quizical look.  
"What?" she shook her head in an attempt to understand.  
"Well, all of your relationships have been ruined because of the vampire slaying, 'I'm more powerful than my boyfriend' thing." Willow smiled. "I've heard about ALL of your relationships, Buffy. I mean, that... Jerad... was that his name?"  
"My first boyfriend? Jeremy."  
"Yeah. Jeremy. Well, you were with him before you were called as slayer, then once you were called you lost your friends, and he dumped you for one of THEM, right?" Willow asked; Buffy sat in silence a moment.  
"I REALLY hope you're going somewhere with this..." she started.  
"Don't worry, I am. Then there was Pike... right?" Buffy nodded. "And that ended badly because of...?"  
"Vampires."  
"Right! Then you got to SunnyD! And who do you meet? Owen. And he was all 'Danger Boy', which wouldn't have happened if not for the vampires!" Willow continued.  
"Yeah, okay... I get the..." Buffy started.  
"Then Angel, he was all fangy. Then there was Scott, who lost interest in you because you were all TWITCHY about Angel..."  
"Thanks, Will... I..."  
"And then you were back to Angel, then you moved on to Riley, but he was all 'Danger Boy' again and nearly killed himself..." Willow started losing herself in her thoughts.  
"WILLOW! I get it! Okay... so the slayer thing was never a good relationship starter... but it always ended with a bang..." Buffy commented.  
"And that LITERAL for several of them!" Willow chuckled to herself; Buffy looked at the ceiling a moment, then back at Willow.  
"Hey! Why did you get both of our powers?" Buffy accused. "I mean... you got your power, and you stole mine... WHY did that happen?"  
"Well, the slayer power was presumably cast upon your mortal body, it's more of a physical power, correct?" Willow asked.  
"...yeah..."  
"But the magic thing is more... spiritual. You know?" Willow explained. Buffy nodded once more.  
"Yeah, I guess... I had just assumed that... with the soul came the power..."  
"You're the slayer. With the life comes the power. Blood is life. I've got your blood, and therefore your power." Buffy stood, looking accusingly at Willow. "What?"  
"You sounded a little... nevermind. And, doesn't Dawn have my blood too? She's DEFINATELY not powerful. Wow. Have you SEEN her fight a vampire? Pathetic, really..." The two of them laughed for a moment. "You know, it's nice talking to you. We never really do that anymore, you know, the Buffy-Willow one-on-one thing?"  
"Yeah. I've noticed that too. I guess we've all just become so busy for the past while..." Willow agreed. "Although... I'm starting to understand what it was like for you all those years."  
"Oh?"  
"Yeah; the whole slayer thing. When I broke Agnes's neck... I didn't actually mean to do it. It was just a... a primal reaction, and I had no idea that I had that much strength..." Willow smiled, nodding her head slightly. Buffy nodded with her.  
"Yeah, it took a little getting used to at first, but eventually I learned how to control my strength so I didn't hurt anyone... the only problem is that I got progressively stronger... to the point where I'm unable to cope with being 'normal'."  
"Well... just don't start sleeping with Spike." Willow laughed.  
"WILLOW!" Buffy laughed.  
  
The group sat at the breakfast table.  
"So, Willow. You ready to go to work?" Buffy asked, smiling.  
"Work? You mean... counselling work? I'm not a counsellor!" Willow exclaimed in a panic.  
"Pff-there's nothing to it! Just listen, and respond. NEVER give advice." Buffy smiled. Dawn giggled.  
"Yeah. Do that opposite of what Buffy does!" Dawn chuckled.  
"HEY!"  
"Well, red-haired girl..." Willow began. "I guess you'll be going to my classes, then."  
"What? Classes?" Buffy asked, noticing Willow's enthusiastic nod. "Great. College."  
"Just... take notes and then I'll do my work when we both get home, okay?"  
"So... neither of you girls have figured out how to get all normal yet?" Xander asked, stepping into the room.  
"No, not yet." Willow began. "But we'll figure out a way."  
"I still think our best bet is to go to the sons, and hopefully they'll have some powers." Buffy pointed out, picking apart her toast.  
"Buffy, that kind of power in two little boys might burn them out! I mean... come on." Willow tilted her head a little.  
"So... what're you gonna do?" Xander asked. The girls sat in silence.  
  
"So, what's your problem?" Willow asked, smiling. The boy sat before her in silence. "The traditional thing, when sent to a counsellor, is to talk about your problems." She smiled again.  
"You don't care."  
"Excuse me?" Willow asked, still smiling.  
"I said, you don't care. You don't really care what happens to me. You just wanna sit here, listenin' to people's problems, handing out easy answers, and get paid, right?" he asked. Willow nodded a little, biting her bottom lip.  
"Well, that WOULD be the ideal thing, but why don't we talk about YOU now."  
"Because you don't CARE!" he repeated. Willow sat back in her chair.  
"You know WHAT? I don't care." she watched his expression of confusion. "If you don't want to talk to me, that's perfectly fine. I'll just have to ask you to leave and stop wasting my time so that someone else can find me useful."  
"D... d-did you just say that... that you don't care?" she nodded. "Wow..."  
  
"Willow? Willow. Willow! Are you listening? I asked you a question." the professor continued. Buffy jolted up.  
"Oh... s-sorry! I was listening, I just... just lost myself for a minute." the students next to Buffy began laughing a little.  
  
Willow rushed through the door, searching the room for Buffy. Buffy ran out of the kitchen after hearing the door slam shut.  
"WILLOW! You're home! Please don't make me go back to class, PLEASE!" Buffy pleaded as she hugged her friend. "I've seen what it's like to be you and I don't like it!"  
"Buffy, it's okay! I've realised what it is that we've got to do!" Willow exclaimed. "During one of the counselling sessions today when I wasn't really listening, it hit me! I realised what would fix this!"  
"What? WHAT? Tell me!" Buffy shrieked, happy for a chance to get out of Willow's body.  
"Well, you remember that time that Faith came out of the come and switched your bodies, then you got arrested, and she slept with Riley, and I was introducing everyone to Tara, except for you because you were Faith, and then Tara was the only one that noticed that you were you but Faith was you and you were Faith because Faith wasn't Faith, she was you?" Willow babbled.  
"Hmm. Yes, I vaguely remember that." she replied sarcastically. Andrew walked down the stairs with a look of sleep on his face. He yawned.  
"Can't you girls let anyone get sleep in this house?"  
"It's five pm!" Buffy exclaimed.  
"So? All I wanted was one short nap before those annoying potential girls got back, and..." Andrew began. He looked over to the living room, noticing all of the potentials staring at him. "Oops... anyway; I never get ANY sleep in this house, and..."  
"Well, we could throw you outside for the Bringers! Wouldn't that be fun?" Buffy asked excitedly, jumping. Andrew went chalk white.  
"N... no. No, it wouldn't. All I want is to go to the beach, and nobody will take me!"  
"Maybe because you wear such a revealing bathing suit." Willow pointed out. Andrew crossed his arms in a huff.  
"I wear it for comfort!" he stormed out of the room.  
"...anyway. Why did you bring up the Faith thing?" Buffy asked, scratching her head.  
"Well, Tara and I conjured up a Katra, and you used that to turn you back! So, maybe I could conjure up another one!" Willow exclaimed.  
"Will... are you sure? I mean... last time it took two witches to do that... and if you try and use that much power alone... you might go a little..."  
"Off the deep end, I know... but... but maybe I can do it." Willow half-smiled, looking a little worried. "I mean... you guys were able to bring me down before..."  
"Yeah, after you FLAYED someone. I mean, Willow; you were going to go and kill Andrew too! What if you go crazy and kill him!"  
"That WON'T happen!"  
"What if, you go all black-eyed, then feel the guilt of Tara's death again? Who's the first person you kill?" Buffy asked. "Kennedy." Kennedy stood, walking over to the two of them.  
"H-hey... that doesn't sound fun..." she pointed out; Buffy and Willow looked at her. "Well... not to me, anyway."  
"I'm not going to kill Kennedy!" Willow screamed.  
"Will-I know. I just... I don't want anyone to get hurt. You need a second witch to perform that spell correctly."  
"And who am I going to get?" Willow asked quickly. "Nobody here has any sort of magical power!" Buffy stood in stunned silence. "Who do you want me to find? Amy? Yeah, she'll really wanna help me!"  
"I'd suggest Jonathan... but we all know what happened to HIM..."  
"Buffy; just trust me, okay? I can do this!"  
"Maybe we could go to the college wicca group?"  
"Buffy! I can do this! All I need... all I need is an achor. Someone... someone that I trust deeply. With all my heart." the two smiled at each other. Kennedy perked up.  
"I guess I'm the one to help then!" she smiled; Willow shook her head.  
"Uh... sorry, Ken. I was thinking more along the lines of... Buffy or Xander?"  
"...o-oh... okay..." Kennedy lowered her head and stepped in the living room.  
"Kennedy, I didn't mean anything by..."  
"No, that's okay. I understand." Willow turned back to Buffy, rolling her eyes a little.  
  
Buffy, Willow and Xander sat on the floor of Buffy's bedroom.  
"So... what do we have to do?" Xander asked again.  
"Okay, just follow my lead. Repeat what I say. You've got to maintain complete calm; keep your head clear. Since neither of you are magically inclined, I needed the both of you. That's why we've created the circle. Ready to start?" Both nodded. "Alright, slowly move your arms back and forth..." the three of them slowly did so, creating a glowing white energy circle around them. Willow's heart started to race, and she began heavily panting.  
  
"What's taking them so long?" Andrew whined. Spike rolled his eyes.  
"Shut up, boy! Why don't you just... just go take a nap?" he asked. Andrew shook his head.  
"I can't sleep when there's chanting... it bothers me." he replied. Spike scoffed and took a swig from his cantine. A few moments later, Willow, Buffy and Xander stepped down the stairs. Both Spike and Dawn stood, stepping towards them.  
"Did it work?" they asked in unison. Buffy smiled.  
"I guess we won't know until we've tried." she replied. She looked at Willow a moment. "Will... that was really..."  
"Intense." Xander finished for her. "I never knew that that was the kind of stuff you dealt with... I mean, I thought the spell to kill ADAM was hard, but that..."  
"It was almost scary." Buffy finished for him; Xander nodded.  
"I know. But... it's kind of cleansing, you know?" they all nodded. "And, HEY! I didn't go evil! YAY ME!" they smiled. "Ready to try it?" Willow held her palm out, containing the Katra.  
"And you're sure this'll work?" Buffy asked.  
"Won't know... until we try." they both smiled and slapped their hands together. Some sort of shock flew through them, and they stood staring at each other a moment. "I see... I see Buffy..."  
"And I see Willow... which means I'm not Willow. And I don't sound like Willow. I sound like Buffy! I AM BUFFY!" the two of them squeeled and hugged.  
"So... we're all back in our bodies now?" Xander asked. They nodded, still hugging.  
"The only question... is if I have my strength..." Buffy started. She stepped over to a plant in the living room, grabbing the trunk of the small tree and snapping it by squeezing. She smiled. "I've got strength!" she quickly noticed the plant was covering a huge hole in the wall. "Why is there a hole in the wall?" she exclaimed, angrily looking around the room. "Dawn? Why is there a hole in the wall?"  
"Well... it wasn't from me shooting it with the crossbow, that's for sure." Dawn replied, sheepishly.  
  
"So. How does it feel to be you?" Willow asked, rubbing her forearm.  
"It feels... well. You know." The two of them stared at each other a moment, then burst out laughing. 


	4. The Half Assed No Plot Ending

Kennedy knocked on the door repeatedly, trying her hardest to get in, "Guys? Are you in there? Why is the door locked?" She slammed herself against the door, hurting her side, "Ow! I'm hurt," there was no answer, "...hello?"  
Inside the room Buffy and Willow sat together on the bed, staring out the window. Buffy turned to Willow slowly and began to whisper in a soft voice, "Any particular reason you don't wanna see your love-bunny?" Willow gave a half-smile.  
"I..." she realised she wasn't whispering, correcting herself immediately, "I don't feel totally... Willow yet. I dunno... I just wanna..."  
"Take a rest for a little bit?" Buffy asked; Willow nodded. "After being in your body it feels like... like I know you better or something... you know?"  
"I know. I was thinking that too." Willow agreed, "Do you think... I dunno... do you think that this could help us out?"  
"What do you mean, Will?" Buffy sat up, getting a better angle to look at her friend. "You mean we should body-swap more often? Because I've already done it twice, and I dunno if I wanna risk it again. I mean... it wasn't fun having Faith in my body back in the day."  
"Pff - what are the odds we'll ever even SEE her again?" they both nodded a moment, "I just mean, don't you think this could help us in our battle against the first? We could be all... connected... or... I dunno... maybe you could share some of your knowledge and power with the potentials, and they would have the know-how of the true Slayer and..."  
"Will, you're getting a little..." Buffy began; there was more thumping against the door.  
"I can hear you two! Let me in! Willow? Is something wrong? Something that can be fixed with my tender kisses?" Kennedy tried to speak seductively through the door, but failed miserably. There was no answer from either Buffy nor Willow, "Hello?" Kennedy asked again.  
"You sure picked an annoying one..." Buffy commented without thinking, she quickly covered her mouth and looked away from Willow. Willow let out a short laugh.  
"I really did, didn't I?" Buffy looked back and they smiled at each other once more.  
"Will... can I ask you something?" Buffy began, "I meant to ask you... a few years ago, actually... but... I never had the nerve..."  
"Shoot."  
"How did you... when did you realise that you were..." Willow stared blankly at Buffy, "...you know..."  
"No... I don't... what're you..." Buffy gave Willow a sharp look, and the redhead finally clued in, "OH! You mean when did I know I was gay?"  
"...yeah..." Buffy replied sheepishly.  
"Well... I did really love Oz. I loved him more than anything I'd known at that point... he made me feel so... good."  
"I know how that feels." Buffy smiled, touching her hands to Willow's.  
"But... even though I loved him so much... there was always something that felt a little... off... you know? Even though I did love him... I still do, actually... I didn't feel incredibly... attracted to him... I thought that I could just tell myself that that's how all girls felt..."  
"But... you were wrong..."  
"Yeah." Willow replied, "After I met Tara... things clicked, and I realised that I had been living a bit of a lie." Willow looked at the bed for a moment, then back to Buffy. "Things would have been great if Oz had breasts."  
"And no penis."  
"Yeah." The two of them smiled to each other again. "Can I ask you a question now?"  
"Of course, Will!" Buffy smiled. "Anything at all."  
"Okay. Here goes." Willow took a deep breath, "When you were with Angel... or with Spike, for that matter, wasn't it cold and clammy?" Buffy gave a startled look. "I mean... a vampire's skin is so cold, so wasn't the sex kind of..."  
"Okay... you can ask anything but THAT." they smiled once more.  
"We really should talk more often." Willow gave Buffy a reassuring look as the door was slammed against again.  
"Could talking more often include me?" Kennedy asked through the door; Buffy leapt from the bed, unlocking the door and swung it open. "Finally!" Kennedy tried to step through but was blocked by the Slayer.  
"Where's Xander?"  
"Uhm... I don't..." Kennedy started.  
"XANDER! XANDER!" Buffy screamed; Kennedy covered her ears in pain. Xander came running toward the room.  
"What? What's wrong?" he asked quickly, Buffy pulled him into the room, locking the door behind him. Kennedy stood and resumed her attempts to open it once more. Buffy, Willow and Xander all sat in a circle now.  
"What's up, guys?" Xander asked, sitting cross-legged on the floor.  
"We never talk anymore. Remember in grade ten? When we couldn't go anywhere without knowing where each other was?" Willow asked, laying on her pillows.  
"Except for that time that you went off with the disco-era vamp." Xander smiled to Willow.  
"Or that time that you tried to score with Miss French." Buffy smiled to Xander.  
"Heh. Remember when you and Cordy were kidnapped by Marcy?" Willow asked.  
"Who?" Buffy and Xander asked in unison.  
"Marcy. Remember? The invisible girl? She went invisible because nobody payed any attention to her?" Willow watched as the two stared blankly at her. Xander shook his head.  
"I don't remember."  
"I have a question..." Willow started. "Remember when my vampire self came to this reality?" they nodded, "Couldn't the first, technically, transform into me then? I mean, I HAVE been dead in this reality... kind of..."  
"But that wasn't you..." Xander retorted.  
"But they were still the same person..." Buffy started. "Maybe we should just ask Giles..." Kennedy banged against the door several more times before it swung open with Buffy, Xander and Willow all rushing out, calling Giles's name.  
Kennedy lay face-first on the floor of the now empty room.  
"Well... at least I got in..." 


End file.
